


One Day We'll be Free (But Today is Not That Day)

by KatherineF



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 17:25:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20100907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatherineF/pseuds/KatherineF
Summary: A unwanted gift arrives in the mail for Neil and the Foxes nearly a year after Baltimore, bringing back bad memories.Or: Neil is given a flashdrive of videos of him while he was on the run. The Foxes all see.





	One Day We'll be Free (But Today is Not That Day)

**Author's Note:**

> I recently saw a prompt on tumblr about what would happen if the Foxes saw videos of Neil's past, and so this was born. If you were able to read the books you should be able to read this, and I tried not to explain anything too graphically. There is a description of a panic attack.  
But since I can't help myself and all I want is for my fav characters to heal, this ends happily:)
> 
> Inspired by a post by @im-here-fam on tumblr

The envelope it comes in is perfectly unassuming. It’s a relatively small, white, cheap envelope, just the same as most everything that comes in the mail. In fact, Neil is so unconcerned about it that he nearly forgets about it on the kitchen counter top, distracted by Kevin who had been watching Exy highlights and wanted to chat about the Trojans (like he always does. Neil doesn’t mind, he likes talking about them too).  
It’s not until Andrew gets home with Aaron and Nicky in tow that Neil remembers it again.  
The envelope bulges out where a flash drive sits and the return address is some random, unknown place in the state of New York.  
“What’s this?” Nicky asks, refraining from opening it because it has Neil’s name on it. Neil can see the effort it takes him not to mess around with it. He appreciates it, Nicky has been trying not to cross Andrew and Neil’s clear boundaries, but he doesn’t always know what they consider as too far.  
“I’m not sure, I got it today in the mail.” Neil gets up to grab it, brushing past Andrew as he does. Aaron moves past them to sit with Kevin. They aren’t friends per se, but they have been trying very hard not to antagonize each other for the sake of Nicky (and Andrew, thought Aaron refuses to admit that).  
Andrew’s eyes track Neil’s hands as they tear open the paper and get a hold of the silver flash drive.  
Neil catches his eye to see the carefully blank expression on Andrew’s face. He notices the slight crinkle in his brow, mirroring Neil’s own confusion.  
“Where’s the return address?” Andrew asks quietly, so Nicky can’t hear. He doesn’t have to worry about that since Nicky has already gotten bored and moved into the other room.  
Neil understands the question though. Despite his earlier casual reaction to the mail, the small flash drive is starting to set off alarms in his head. He shows the envelope to Andrew and watches him anxiously to see any hint of recognition at the address. Andrew shakes his head and moves over to the couch.  
“Kevin,” Andrew says, showing him the envelope. Kevin looks first at him with glazed eyes, head still stuck in Exy.  
“What?”  
“Do you know where that is.”  
Kevin stares at the paper before shaking his head. He closes the computer after seeing Neil’s expression and focuses his attention on them.  
“Why? Who is this from?”  
Neil steps forward to answer. “I’m not sure, I got it in the mail this morning. It had this in it.” Neil brandishes the flash drive like it’s a weapon, which it really possibly could be. Neil feels shaky but his hand shows no sign of a tremble. He steps closer to Andrew in an attempt to ground himself.  
It’s been over a year since Riko and his father, and Neil has been doing his best to get over the panic that’s been sticking around like a determined collection agency. He has even been talking to Betsy after months of Andrew’s gentle nudging.  
Neil curses at himself over the fact that months of hard work are dashed to the ground with a single, small flash drive.  
Kevin is already on the phone with Wymack when the upperclassmen join them in their room.  
“It’s not a big deal,” Neil can hear himself saying while Nicky catches the upperclassmen up on the situation.  
Andrew bumps into him with his shoulder to get his attention. “Don’t say everything is fine,” he says in low tones, fixing Neil with a blank glare.  
“Wymack’s on his way,” Kevin announces, still studying the flash drive. Another burst of conversation fills the room, with only Renee and Andrew as silent sentinels.  
The ringing of Neil’s phone silences the room all too easily. For a moment, no one moves. Neil grabs the phone off of the living room table where he tossed it earlier. His breath catches when he sees that an unknown number is highlighting his screen. He answers the phone and lifts it to his ear with mechanical motions, mind already leaving his body. Everything about this is too similar to Baltimore. He can’t deal with that again, not after finally being able to catch his breath here. What about Andrew? What about the Foxes?  
“Hello?” Neil says into the receiver. His voice comes out stronger than he was expecting it to. Andrew’s hand his hovering over his neck, waiting for the pin to drop.  
“You have received a package,” a pleasant female voice says from the other end. “My employer requests that you watch the full video. Do you understand?”  
Adrenaline kicks in. “Who is your employer?”  
The Foxes react nearly as violently as Neil would like to. Kevin goes sickly pale, sinking into the couch like he can disappear and Nicky grabs his hand, mouth opening but no sound coming out. Allison looks up in alarm towards Renee, who has shifted into a fighting stance. Dan and Matt both take a step toward Neil, but Andrew holds out his hand to hold them back. Even Aaron looks alarmed, half in the bedroom and half out.  
“You know the answer to that, Nathaniel. Do you understand his request?” The ‘request’ is clearly an order.  
“What would the Master do if we didn’t go through with it?” Kevin makes a pained moan at the mention of Ichirou Moriyama.  
“You also know the answer to that. He would also ask that your teammates watch with you.”  
“Why?” Neil’s hand has started shaking, but his voice stays firm. Andrews hand on the back of his neck roots him to the room.  
“This is a reminder, Nathaniel. You seem to be getting… comfortable. My employer would like you to remember what your purpose is,” she hangs up, cutting off any other questions that Neil has. He lowers the phone slowly and looks at Andrew.  
Neil takes a deep breathe. “Is everyone here?” Neil asks, assuming that she meant the original Foxes and not the new ones. Dan knows what he means and takes a quick scan of the room. She nods after doing a quick head count.  
“We need to watch whatever is on the drive. Courtesy of Ichirou Moriyama.”  
Andrew tightens his grip. “Why?”  
“They said I’m getting too comfortable. Kevin, where’s Wymack?”  
Kevin doesn’t answer, his frame shaking has he tries to suck in deep breathes. Nicky turns to him and starts speaking as calmly as he can, turning his head to check on Andrew and Aaron every once in a while.  
Wymack barges in, saving Neil from having to shake Kevin for answers. His face clears in exhausted understanding as he looks around the room. Dan gives him a quick rundown before he even asks, and they all stare at the silver peeking out of Kevin’s tight grip.  
Neil’s head floats outside of his body, Andrew’s grip holding him somewhat close to earth like a child holding the string of a balloon. He watches himself pry the flash drive out of Kevin’s grip and put it into the computer where it sits, forgotten, on the living room table. The room hesitates while he opens the file.  
The name of the video shoves Neil solidly back into his body. Nathaniel_Wesninski.avi. Andrew watches him with the same blank expression, but Neil can see the concern in the tension in his shoulders and the quick way that his eyes track Neil’s movements.  
“You’re all supposed to watch it with me.”  
Wymack’s expression is difficult to read, but he gets the room moving until they are all sitting around the low table. Neil wishes that he knew what was coming. This video could be anything, and his mind keeps coming up with worse and worse options. He waits until they’re all settled before pressing play.  
It is so much worse than what his mind has imagined.  
It starts with security footage from somewhere in Chicago. Neil is young, 12 or 13, and his mother struggles with one of his fathers goons in an alleyway behind a sketchy tattoo parlor. They had been getting new passports from a less than reliable source. It was a last ditch effort-they had no other option after losing some of the money in a scuffle in Geneva, Illinois. They didn’t have enough money or energy to get to the closest place that Mary had hidden money and they desperately needed to change their names.  
Neil watches as his young frame grabs the duffle and runs before another of his fathers men steps out from behind a dumpster and shoots him. There’s a collection gasp in the room and Andrew grabs Neil’s hand, squeezing it almost painfully. Neil squeezes back. He wants to look at Andrew, check to make sure he’s okay but his eyes are glued to the screen. He massages the scar from the bullet wound with his other hand while the scene shifts.  
This time it’s shaky phone footage of a speeding vehicle. The clip is short and pixelated, but it’s easy to recognize Neil’s slight frame as the back door of the car opens and a hand shoves him out. The footage rolls up to show the sky as the person holding the phone panics, but it goes back to the road in time to see him rolling on the pavement, then struggling to get up as he clutches his side.  
Neil didn’t know that someone had seen that happen-no one had helped him get back up and back to the motel where his mother was waiting for him.  
The montage continues, each scene as gruesome as the last. There’s security camera footage of Mary hitting Neil after she had caught him kissing that girl in Montreal, his father smacking his shoulder with that hot iron after he had disappointed him during that dinner. The images flash by until Neil can’t hear the horrified gasps, see the movement as everyone flinches at the attacks, feel Andrew’s hand squeezing so hard he’s losing blood in his hand. He feels numb and he watches with a clinical interest.  
The video feels both far too long and ridiculously short. He’s almost proud of himself for not reacting to anything when the last video rolls around.  
The basement that it films is far too familiar to Neil. It shows Baltimore, Lola and Romero standing behind his father as he cowers in front of him. Neil’s arms show the livid cuts and burns and his face is almost unrecognizable with the blood covering so much of it. Romero and his father move to hold him down while Lola gets the axe.  
Neil’s entire body flinches as he watches the scene. It feels worse to be watching than it did to actually be there. At the time he was in survival mode, just thinking about the next second. Now his head can replay exactly what it looked like as he rolled away just in time when the axe hit the concrete beside him, as Lola held his legs down and his face contorted in pain and terror, and as he crawled away while bullets riddled Romero.  
All Neil can think while he watches the worst moment of his life is that he’s incredibly grateful that there isn’t any sound to the video.  
That’s when his lungs decide that he can’t handle any more oxygen. He barely notices the end of the video, too focused on trying to breathe.  
He has no idea how long he sits there, hyperventilating. It feels like forever that his muscle clench tight and shoulders rise in desperation and his body shakes violently.  
“Get out of the way, give him some space,” he hears Andrew order, and the space around him gets colder.  
“Neil, listen to me.” Andrew says close to his ear, shaking him a bit to get his attention. “Are you listening? It’s over, he’s dead. You’re at Palmetto State, you’re Neil Abram Josten.”  
Neil’s lungs scream for air and he can barely hear Andrew over his gasping.  
“Abram.” Andrew says, and Neil nods to show him he’s trying to listen. “Abram,” he says again. His one hand holds the back of Neil’s neck, grounding him, while the other still clutches his hand.  
“You aren’t there any more, it’s done.”  
“Except it’s not, is it?” Kevin’s frantic voice punctures the air. “Because the Moriyama’s-”  
His voice cuts off and there’s the sound of a scuffle. Neil ignores it to listen to Andrew.  
“Stop it.” Andrew says, reminding him of that time in the hotel after Baltimore. Neil huffs out a choked laugh and leans his head back against the sofa to take a full breath.  
He stays like that until his breathe evens out and his body only shivers every once in a while.  
“He’s dead?” he says, meaning to say it as a statement but it coming out more as a question.  
Andrew leans over and bumps his forehead gently against Neil’s. “Yes, he’s dead. It’s over.”  
Neil nods and opens his eyes finally. The room has emptied out and someone took the computer. Andrew hovers in front of him and Neil is shocked to see that his eyes are shiny. He gives Neil’s hand another squeeze before taking it away.  
“I’m going to make tea. Do you want me to call Bee?”  
Neil shakes his head no. He’s still getting settled with Betsy, and he knows that he’ll talk to her about this...eventually. Right now though, he just wants to make sure that his Foxes are okay.  
“Where did everyone go?” he winces at his hoarse voice.  
“Abby’s. We’re all staying there for the night.”  
Neil opens his mouth to protest, but nods instead. “Can I have a shower first?” he finally says, though he isn’t sure how he’s going to get the strength to not only stand in a shower but then get to Abby’s after as well.  
The simple chores seem like they would take herculean effort after this.  
Andrew doesn’t respond, just hands Neil is warm mug and helps him to his feet. “No. I think a bath would be better.” Andrew says and Neil nods in relief.  
They don’t have baths in the dorms, so Andrew packs them a bag and Neil follows him to the Maserati.  
His skin feels like it’s just been scrubbed and a part of Neil realizes that everyone just saw his life flash before their eyes. He feels naked after that, and he’s not sure how he’ll be able to face the team now that they’ve seen his darkest moments.  
“Stop it.” Andrew says, eyes on the road.  
“Stop what?”  
“Thinking. You’re hurting my head.” Neil relaxes into a small smile and lets his head lean against the window.

Stepping into Abby’s house is much harder than Neil thought that it would be. Andrew gives him a few minutes to stand outside in despair, but he eventually opens the door, ignoring the panicked look Neil gives him.  
They’ve barely gotten inside before Nicky bowls him over in a tight hug. Neil tentatively hugs him back, not quite sure where to put his hands. Andrew pulls Nicky away when it gets to be too much, giving him a dirty look. Aaron nods in acknowledgement at Neil from the kitchen where he’s been coerced into helping Abby. Wymack and Kevin are nowhere to be seen, but Neil can hear murmuring coming from a bedroom down the hallway.  
Matt is the next to approach, Dan in tow. He reaches out before looking at Andrew and tucking his hand back in Dan's.  
“You know if you want to talk about anything…” he lets the sentence trail off and Neil nods gratefully. He’s been friends with Matt long enough that he might even be able to take up that offer someday. Dan pushes Nicky out of the way and hugs Neil fiercely, reminding him of that night that he finally told them the truth almost a year ago.  
Renee and Allison don’t move from the couch, giving Neil space. He’s grateful to that as well.  
“You look awful,” Allison says bluntly, and the awkward tension in the air dissipates. Neil huffs and everyone moves back to the kitchen to help Abby.  
Andrew nudges Neil forward. “He’s taking over the bath,” he states and Abby nods encouragingly.  
“Let me know if you need anything. The last room on the left is yours for however long you need it.” She addresses that to both of them and Neil tries to smile at her.  
Andrew ignores everyone else and tugs Neil to the bathroom, locking the door behind them. He gives him a bored look. Neil can tell he’s assessing the situation, checking to see how Neil is dealing with everything.  
“Do you want me to leave?” he asks as he pulls clean clothing out of the bag for Neil.  
“No. Could you… could you just talk for a bit?” Neil shifts around while he waits for Andrew to fill the tub.  
Andrew checks the water, back to Neil while he gets undressed. He waits for Neil to lower himself into the warm water before starting. He sits on the floor beside the tub and tells Neil about the week. His calm voice fills the air, first going through small stories that different members of the team have told him, then changing to explain the plots of books that Neil has never heard of. Neil clings to his voice as tightly as he can.  
Finally, Neil's muscles are able to relax. His back aches after being so tense for so long.  
Andrew doesn’t stop even as he towels off and puts on the clean sweats and large hoodie that covers all of his scars other than the ones on his face. He avoids looking at himself in the mirror while he changes.

Neil isn’t sure how long they’ve been in there, but Wymack and Kevin are in the kitchen by the time they get out. The colour has come back to Kevin’s cheeks but Neil notices how he sticks close to Wymack while they set the table. He gives him a sheepish nod when he notices Neil's eyes on him.  
Thankfully no one says anything about Andrew being in the bathroom with him while he bathed. Neil wasn’t sure he could deal with any kind of teasing at the moment, and everyone seems to sense that.  
The rest of the group is huddled in the living room. Nicky and Matt are in the process of creating a blanket nest in the center of the room while Dan and Renee speak quietly in the corner and Allison searches through movies to watch.  
“What’s this,” Andrew says with his usual lack of inflection.  
“We’re going to watch Harry Potter,” Allison announces. Nicky doesn’t pause his blanket arranging, but Matt looks up to give Neil a reassuring smile.  
“Don’t worry, you can have the couch,” he tells them. Andrew doesn’t respond, but starts herding Neil to the sofa where a few blankets have been left for them. Neil’s glad that everyone is treating him like normal, he’s not sure he would be able to hold himself together if everyone was overly sympathetic.  
“Lie down,” Andrew mutters and tugs him down so he’s leaning against his shoulder.  
“Is this okay?”  
Andrew rolls his eyes and covers them with a blanket.  
“This is the last chance for anyone to say no to Harry Potter,” Allison shouts so Wymack, Abby, and Kevin can here her from the kitchen. Nicky scoffs.  
“Even if anyone did, we would have to watch it anyway.”  
Allison grins and shoves everyone down into the blanket nest.  
Neil has never seen Harry Potter, but he spends most of the movie inspecting the faces of his Foxes.  
Kevin has calmed down and talks quietly with Wymack about plays until Nicky shushes them. Aaron is texting, Katelyn, Neil assumes. Everyone else is in a cuddle pile on the floor. It reminds Neil of when he came back from Baltimore. He would think that the reminder would be a bad one, but he can’t help but feel safe with all of them around.  
When he looks up, Andrew is watching him instead of the movie.  
“Staring,” Neil mumbles quietly.  
Andrew nudges him and huffs. “How do you feel.”  
Neil takes another look at the people who have wormed their way into his life. After all they’ve been through (most of it was even his fault), and not a single one of them turned him away.  
Nicky sends him a bright grin then continues his commentary with Allison.  
“Better.”  
And for once, Neil isn’t lying. It may be tough now, but he knows that he has help to get back on his feet.  
He falls asleep quickly after that, and no one wakes him until late the next morning.


End file.
